What The Hell Just Happened?

I imagine that after Lukas Rosol spanked Rafael Nadal like a petulant child during the fifth set of tonight's incredible Center Court match at Wimbledon and sent him crashing out of the tournament, the remaining three of the worlds top four got together on the phone. They had some MAJOR issues to talk out. I imagine that their imaginary conversation was strained...even painful. They had just watched their brother in arms, their friend and common enemy be beaten, ball-gagged and sodomized like Marsellus Wallace in Pulp Fiction. This happened in front of millions. On Center Court. At Wimbledon. Did I mention that millions of people were watching? Because they were! And as Djokovic, Federer and Murray sat watching, they probably all thought the same thing: who the Hell is Lukas Rosol?

That's what I was thinking. I was watching this massacre with my family, getting more and more drawn in; with every Ace, every 99mph return of service, every crushing forehand that Rosol delivered made me ask again: who the hell is this guy? What am I watching? It's been two hours since Nadal crashed like Oceanic Airlines Flight 815 and I'm still in shock. I can't believe it. This is what it must have been like being a bystander at the fall of the Roman Empire. Rafael Nadal is to Tennis what Kryptonite boxing gloves are to Superman in Apollo Creed's Americana shorts. He's the guy that keeps on grinding. He's the Tennis world's equivalent to Michael Jordan, John Elway and Muhammad Ali in their respective sports. I'd say he's second only to Federer on the list of all time Tennis greats. So really he's like Bill Russell, Joe Montana and whoever they consider to be the second greatest boxer ever...I don't follow boxing. The point is; Nadal is incredible! He's the guy you never discount. He's never out of the game, even when he looks like he's out of the game. He can always come back. Except when he can't...and tonight, for the first time I can remember - he couldn't.

That's what made tonight so unbelievable. I've never seen Rafa look so scared. Never. Occasionally he looks shaken, even nervous; but never scared! And tonight in that fifth set, he looked, like Liv Tyler in The Strangers scared. Going by tonight I wouldn't be surprised if Nadal's career just simply imploded. His uncle won't let him touch a racquet after this. No way. Nadal will be serving up paella in a cantina in Barcelona by Saturday. Maybe...

A lot has to be said for Rosol. Tonight he played the game of his life. He played like the Albanian Mafia had abducted his little sister, and her only hope was an upset over Nadal (can you imagine the odds on this game? If you bet on Rosol - Congratulations! ) tonight. He couldn't play a bad shot! It was like he was channeling Djokovic or something. (I sense a Freaky Friday style sports comedy could come out of that idea.) Rosol was in complete control of that fifth set. Nadal was out played. Purely and simply out played. The whole match was an anomaly.The first set went to tie break; this was unexpected. Rosol commanded the second and third sets; this was really unexpected. Nadal went wild in the fourth set; this was typical. Then Rosol made Rafa his bitch in the fifth; this was insane! Lizzy Borden level insanity. Like I said, kudos has to be given to the Czech. In his post-match interview he looked like Moses after he saw God for the first time. He struggled to put words to his emotions. Not because of any language barrier, simply because he was stunned by what he had accomplished. He couldn't believe it.

I'm wonder if this Rosol thing might turn in to the Tennis equivalent of Linsanity. Linsanity on a much smaller scale, but insanity none the less. "Rosolmania" maybe. If Rosol continues in the same manner for his next match, it'll happen. Unquestionably. He'll be the new tennis wunderkind (at 26...maybe not). Just like for those 5 or 6 weeks between February and April when Jeremy Lin was king of New York and the king of the NBA, he'll be the king of the court. If that happens I'll be amazed. 

What's more like to happen is an exit in the next round, tonight's game proven to be a fluke, a freak occurrence...an ATP double rainbow. Rosol will be forgotten (just like Tennis) and Rafael Nadal will come back with the ferocious intensity of a wolverine on crack. Andy Murray will crash and burn in the quarter-finals, Djokovic will win Wimbledon, Federer will continue to dress like he's going fox-hunting with the Duke of York, and like I emphasized in my last post: Tennis won't matter until next year. Everyone who isn't Rafael Nadal or Sue Barker will forget who this guy is, or was. 

Even so...it was still something. To someone like me, someone who loves Tennis (and really any sport, I'm becoming "That Guy", we all know a "That Guy" he's that guy who stays up late to watch basketball games and researches baseball statistics) tonight was really, really something special. Something to remember.

I know the top guys were watching. They had to be. How could the not be drawn to this? One of their own slapped around like Whitney. Philipp Kohlschreiber was probably watching too, thinking to himself: "What can I do against that?!"

When Federer, Djokovic and Murray had their imaginary conference call to discuss the "Rosol Problem" they probably couldn't figure out what the hell to do. Steal his racquets? Tell the Albanian Mafia to raise his sisters ransom? I'm sure they couldn't come up with anything, because if he plays again like he played today, he will be unstoppable. 

I come back to my original question: who the hell is Lukas Rosol? Where did that come from? If every male player at Wimbledon isn't asking themselves that same question, they should be. And they also should be asking: what the hell can we do to stop him?

I just spent the last 3 hours of my life thinking about one Set of Tennis...at times like this I have to ask myself something very important: why did my wife marry me? 

I'm sure she asks herself that question too...